Men Too: Men Who've Been Sexually Abused By Women Share Their Experience
Whenever we have a discourse on the experiences of sexual assault survivors, we tend to neglect the experiences of men. Even more so if their abusers are women. Much of it has to do with how we co-relate masculinity and sexuality. Our society likes to portray men as these sexually starving bunch who are ready to have sex with any woman, any time of the day. And if they aren’t, there must be something wrong with them — they aren’t masculine enough. This worldview is as harmful as it is wrong. It hinders men from coming out with their experience of being sexually abused and undermines their trauma.
While it is uncommon, there are a few threads on Reddit where men have shared their experience of being sexually abused by women. Here's what they had to say.
"It was my 21st birthday party. I was drunk off my ass. One of my friends’ friends that I didn't care for drove me home. I thought they were coming to pick her up. I didn't know at the time that she told them not to bother. I pretty much crashed and went to sleep. I woke up to her on top of me. I was still too drunk and out of it to get her off of me. She told my friends later that she hoped she was pregnant as she really wanted a baby. Thankfully, she wasn't." - Zombie-Bird
"I was at a pool, and i had my shirt off, and i guess the chick liked skinny fat bodies or whatever so she was in the pool, so she swam towards me and grabbed my body and dug her nails into my back and tried to grind on me. I was only 17 and she had to have been in her 30's." - imthewiseguy
When I stumbled in around 1:20am, I opened my bedroom door and she jumped on me; biting, kicking, scratching, punching, and clawing me. I was utterly confused and scared. I had turned down her advances for the whole semester. She was a freshman with a little too much crazy in her eyes for my taste. She said, “If you don’t fuck me here and now, I’m running into the street naked, calling the cops, and telling them that I escaped you trying to rape me. They will believe me and you will go to jail. Who will they believe? A drunk senior on his b'day, or a sober, crying freshman girl with torn clothing all over your room?”
She had her way with me and left when she was done. I cried and vomited in the shower for three hours. I had spent 2 years building up a program where i traveled to schools and spoke to kids on the power of compassion, forgiveness, kindness, and adventure. She knew it would only take one front page photo of me in cuffs to ruin that. I went to the police the next day and was told point blank “buddy, you didn’t get raped, men can’t be raped. You got a kinky birthday present from a one-of-a-kind girl.” - throwaway_thebad
“My ex-girlfriend made me have sex with her by threatening that if I didn’t, she'd tell people I raped her. Before this point She had a weird fetish that she liked rough sex and wanted to be fake raped (i know it sounds terrible) but at the time I loved her and i'd be rough with her even though I didn't feel comfortable doing so.
It turns out she recorded it and was going to play it off as I actually raped her. Luckily i got out of that situation but it has messed me up and caused me to fuck up many relationships since then. I don't trust women and idk if I can ever get over that.” – Deleted
“I’ll just leave it at a few simple words: ‘fuck me or I’ll scream’.” - Deleted
“I’ve been grabbed by so many old ladies at work it’s ridiculous. After the first couple it’s half way expected so you get good at dodging it. But there’s no one that’ll take a complaint from a guy against an old lady seriously.” - medicff
“My supervisor continuously asked me on a date and I declined because I was busy. So, she scheduled me off, came over to my house and told me I had no excuse. She paid for everything and I denied sex at the end of the night. I got fired the next day for something unrelated. Nobody believed me and I had to find a new job.” - TheDharmaFarmer
I was 10 and she was 16. My first cousin who would invite me over to hang out constantly. Went on for years. I didn’t know it “counted” as assault until years later because she was a woman. A lot of my anxiety issues are rooted back to her. She is still one of the most loved family members even after everyone found out the truth, and is why I no longer attend family gatherings to this day. People constantly blame me and say it’s my fault our family has tension because I won’t “be nice” to her or “forgive” her or “just try to get along”. - suzumelawliet
As a part time job, I drive a shuttle for a bar. A group of mid-forties women get on and want to go home after a divorce party. The divorcee is wasted and a few minutes into the drive she comes up and starts running her hands over my chest, then her hands make her way to my crotch. I wasn't turned on or anything but I got hard. That excited her and she kept going basically jerking me off. Got to her friend’s house and they got off. I was shaking and uncomfortable but got a big tip from her embarrassed friend." - Deleted.
"I’ve been felt up by drunk women in clubs, they seem to think it’s funny at the time. It’s not." - gengardelrey
Evidently, men experience severe trauma from being sexually abused by women and it's high time we start taking the issue seriously. Consent is consent, and no means no across all genders. And kudos to these men for coming out with their experience.